What Has Putting Yourself Last Cost You?

For many women, putting others first begins as an act of love.

You care for your children.

You support your partner.

You show up for your family.

You give your best to your career.

You become the person everyone can rely on.

And somewhere along the way, putting yourself last becomes so normal that you stop noticing you’re doing it.

You tell yourself:

I’ll focus on myself when things calm down.

I’ll pursue that dream when everyone else is settled.

I’ll rest when everything is finished.

But life rarely becomes completely calm, and the list is never truly finished.

So I want to ask you a question:

What has putting yourself last cost you?

The Cost Isn’t Always Obvious

The cost may not arrive as one dramatic moment.

It can appear slowly.

You stop doing the things that bring you joy.

You lose touch with friendships, interests, and dreams that once felt important.

You become so focused on what everyone else needs that you no longer know what you need.

You may feel tired, resentful, disconnected, or guilty for wanting more—even when you can’t explain exactly what “more” means.

From the outside, your life may look full.

But inside, you may feel as though you’ve disappeared from it.

Caring for Yourself Doesn’t Take Away From Your Love

I understand how easily we can connect our value to what we do for others.

Being a mother has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I’ve also spent many years teaching, supporting, and encouraging other people.

I don’t regret the love or energy I’ve given.

But I’ve learned that caring for myself doesn’t take anything away from the people I love.

Investing in my own growth, changing professional direction, creating my coaching work, and continuing to pursue my goals have helped me become more connected to who I am—not only to the roles I fulfill.

Choosing yourself doesn’t mean choosing everyone else less.

It means recognizing that you also belong on the list of people you care for.

Why Does Choosing Yourself Feel Selfish?

Many women were taught that being good means being available.

Say yes.

Keep the peace.

Don’t disappoint anyone.

Don’t ask for too much.

Be grateful for what you have.

So when you begin setting boundaries, investing in yourself, or making choices based on what you want, guilt can appear.

But guilt isn’t always evidence that you’re doing something wrong.

Sometimes it simply means you’re doing something unfamiliar.

If you’ve spent years putting yourself last, choosing yourself may feel uncomfortable at first.

That discomfort doesn’t mean you should stop.

You Don’t Need to Change Everything Today

Choosing yourself doesn’t require one dramatic decision.

It can begin with small acts of self-respect.

Saying no without writing a long explanation.

Taking time to rest before you’re completely exhausted.

Returning to something you once loved.

Asking for help.

Making one appointment that supports your wellbeing.

Setting aside time to consider what you want next.

Keeping one promise to yourself.

Each of these choices sends an important message:

My needs matter too.

This Is Why I Created Elevare

I created my 6-Week Elevare Experience for women who have spent years showing up for everyone else and are ready to reconnect with themselves.

Perhaps your children are older now.

Your career no longer fulfills you.

A relationship has changed or ended.

You’ve moved to another country.

Or you’ve simply reached a point where you’re asking:

What about me?

Elevare gives you a safe and supportive space to explore that question without guilt or judgment.

Together, we work on clarity, awareness, limiting beliefs, confidence, boundaries, meaningful goals, and intentional action.

This isn’t about abandoning your responsibilities or becoming someone you’re not.

It’s about making room for the woman underneath all the roles—the woman who still has dreams, needs, gifts, and a life of her own to create.

If you’re ready to stop placing yourself at the bottom of your own life, DM me to learn more about the 6-Week Elevare Experience.

One Question to Sit With

If you continue putting yourself last for another year, what might it cost you?

Your energy?

Your confidence?

Your health?

Your dreams?

Your sense of identity?

And what might become possible if you began choosing yourself—not someday, but now?

You don’t have to wait until everyone else is settled.

You don’t need permission.

And you don’t need to earn your place in your own life.

You are allowed to love others deeply without abandoning yourself in the process.

— Samantha Cervino
Life & Personal Growth Coach
Published Wellbeing Author
Founder, Elevare Experience Coaching

#Choosingyourself